What is Gratitude?

Happy Thanksgiving

This upcoming weekend is a time for many of us to gather with family and friends and celebrate falls bounty. I am sure most of us remember making hand turkey decorations in school, piles of leaves with our names on them lining school halls, and depending on where you lived and what your family celebrated, a festive feast.

And for many of us, that day that started with the scents of fall punctuated with pumpkin spice and the smell of a roasting turkey transitioned into gathering around a table piled with food and beverages, lively conversation, and debate.

However, it was not the same in every household. Some families were small, some did not celebrate this as a day of joy but as a recognition of the negative effects of colonialism, and some families may not have even acknowledged this as a weekend of note at all.

In some families, the wine, beer, and sherry flowed, and as the night progressed and the levels in the bottles went down, laughter became louder and conversations more animated. And sadly, at some gatherings, things went downhill from there. And for many of us who grew up with this experience, we just assumed this was how holidays were celebrated: starts off great, drinking begins, people get more drinks into them, and then the fights begin.

And so we grew up and carried the torch forward into our own family celebrations, whether it was a gathering of friends and family of a small occasion, it usually followed the same pattern. The day after, we wake with hangovers and shame. What were we arguing about anyway? Why does Uncle George always have to be such a so-and-so? Why doesn’t Uncle Bob ever bring his girlfriend anyway? And most importantly… WHY DO I DRINK SO DAMN MUCH EVERY YEAR?

We never really look deeper into the why; we just do. Following traditions can be a hard habit  to shake, but when they are as maladjusted as over consuming alcohol and causing pain for everyone at the event and generations to come, maybe, just maybe, it is time to stop and wonder.

What is wrong with this scenario? Why are we doing this over and over again? And how can we make it stop?

May I humbly suggest we start with rethinking Thanksgiving?

Start from a place of gratitude, after all if I have this right, Thanksgiving was supposed to be a way to celebrate and give thanks for the October harvest. For having a successful growing season, for taking stock of the members of our community and making peace since we never knew who was going to make it through the winter to the other side of spring. Perhaps we start this weekend not with shopping lists but with gratitude lists.  They can be simple 2 or more things you are grateful for in your life right now.

What belongs on YOUR list? 

Hey it’s YOUR list, so it can be in-depth and turn into journeys of self-reflection or maybe a sticky note on the fridge. Then make a list of all the negative things that come from the overindulgence that often accompanies a celebratory dinner. The overeating, the over drinking, the headaches, the belly aches, and the shame and guilt. The words out there we cannot take back.

Take a good, long look at that list and then make a list of all the ways you will make this Thanksgiving weekend different. How will you celebrate and how will you cultivate gratitude this weekend?

Embrace thanks, and most of all, embrace your inner child, and help them enjoy a safe and sober weekend.